What No One Tells Us About Success
What if the life you were taught to call “success” is completely different from the life you actually want to live?
Many of us walk through life with an adopted understanding of what success entails.
Is it a certain level of education, income or social status?
Owning your own property in a respected community?
Having an impressive job title, climbing the corporate ladder or reaching a particular level of financial security?
But where did these ideas come from?
And what if what we have been told all along about success is in complete contrast with what our soul craves for our life to look like?
I often speak to young professionals who simply cannot relate to the standards of success set out by previous generations.
This can create a type of cognitive dissonance.
They are striving toward a life they no longer see as realistic—or, perhaps more importantly, a life they no longer want.
Some want to discover themselves, travel, work in other countries, build something of their own or be of service.
Yet the pressure to conform to the expectations of their family, community or society can have them following a career path that feels more like a prison than a privilege.
I have had well-meaning family members and friends ask if I will coach someone they are very concerned about.
“They can't seem to decide what they want to do.”
“They lack career direction.”
“They don't have a vision.”
But when I have the opportunity to speak privately with the young professional, I often discover something very different.
They usually know what they enjoy.
They often know what they desire to do.
What they don't know is whether they are allowed to want it.
Because it doesn't fit the playbook their family has planned for them.
Some have even been threatened with losing financial support for their education if they choose a career path their family does not approve of.
Unfortunately, this only adds to the pressure and rarely creates the conditions for strong, authentic outcomes.
Education matters. But it is not the entire definition of success.
Education is valuable.
Life skills and experience are essential to every professional.
But I have known professionals with impressive educational backgrounds who, when placed on a team to lead, lacked the emotional intelligence necessary to navigate conflict effectively.
Conversely, there are people whose career paths may not appear particularly prestigious on paper who possess extraordinary practical wisdom, resilience, creativity, communication skills and the ability to solve problems.
We can minimize the type of work someone wants to do because it doesn't carry the same level of social status or recognition. But many of those roles teach someone skills and abilities that other “professional” roles simply do not provide access to.
There is dignity in meaningful work.
There is value in contribution.
And there is more than one way to build a meaningful life.
Success does not have to look the same for everyone.
As human beings, we have the ability to reinvent ourselves many times throughout our lives.
Young people, in particular, possess an incredible ability to dream and creatively see beyond what often stumps those of us who have learned to think linearly.
Creatives often find ingenious solutions to problems that may stump our analytical minds.
Someone's definition of success may be living and working in a small town where they can limit the noise, pollution and stress.
Someone else may see success as living modestly and spending money on experiences rather than material possessions.
For someone else, success may mean finding ways to make their business and investments work for them so they have more time to spend with family.
Someone else may find immense satisfaction in working in construction and building safe housing for others.
There is a place for all these definitions of success.
The question is whether the definition belongs to you.
Before you chase someone else's version of success, pause.
Ask yourself:
1. If no one else could see, judge or applaud my choices, what would I want my life to look like?
2. Which parts of my definition of success genuinely belong to me—and which were inherited from my family, culture, community or society?
3. What would I be willing to change, release or redefine if success meant having a life that felt meaningful rather than simply impressive?
Perhaps success is not about achieving the life that looks best from the outside.
Perhaps it is about creating a life that feels honest on the inside.
And perhaps one of the greatest forms of success is having the courage to define it for yourself.
A question to ponder:
Are you pursuing the life you genuinely want—or the life you learned you were supposed to want?
